Necromance in the Air - Chapter XVIII
Navel gazing
Last time - Hiding behind the reception desk in the office block, Felix, Debs, Daniel and Lucy are facing the impending arrival of a huge undead whale heart. The only thing between it and them is a poor quality reception desk and the fact that it’s too big to fit through the office door…
Meanwhile, we return to Felix’s job interview and his bellybutton…
If you’ve no idea what is going on… I mean, it didn’t start normal, but it has got weirder… you can catch up here-
Honestly, Felix’s flashback is gross. It set my teeth on edge writing it, but maybe that’s just me!!
Navel Gazing (the past)
The polished mahogany desk was cold against Felix’s back, the inlaid leather faintly smelling of old books and polish. He stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore how exposed he felt—shirt unbuttoned, bellybutton under scrutiny, and the distant hum of a clock filling the silence like a ticking guillotine.
“An inordinately deep innie,” Captain Moustache mused. “Practically a black hole. Fascinating.
Felix swallowed. “Uh…thanks?”
“Because it’s so deep, and usually covered, it forms a cavern cloaked in darkness. It appeals.”
“Um, glad you like it?” Felix said, because what else do you say when someone is describing your bellybutton? “I hadn’t really thought about it—”
“A chasm into your body. It must feel like it touches your spine,” the moustache said, it appeared, attached to its face, before Felix. “When did the guest appear?”
“The guest? Um, well—”
“I imagine you thought it was an omphalolith,” Captain moustache’s face disappeared.
Felix took a sharp intake of breath as he felt something cold touch his exposed abdomen. “What’s an omphalolith?”
“A blackhead the size of your bellybutton.”
Felix blanched. “Oh. That’s…disgusting.… I mean, I was going to go to the doctor but it’s a bit weird so—”
“Ah yes, very English of you to fear embarrassment in front of a medical professional and so not seek help. Fortunately, it’s rare for anyone to write ‘fear of embarrassment’ on a death certificate, otherwise I think it would be one of the greatest killers in the United Kingdom.”
Felix let out a noise. It was practised snort, the noise he made when someone told a joke that was offensive and not at all funny. A joke that he knew he should challenge, but wouldn’t because he feared the repercussions. “I’m still a bit confused about the, um, role you had in mind.”
“Yes. I’d imagine you are, but a little voice in your head told you to continue with this.”
Felix said nothing. The little voice in his head had been very clear. This was too good an opportunity to pass up, a chance like this doesn’t come along often. ‘What’s a bellybutton flash in the grand scheme of things?’ Felix thought. ‘I can always cry in the shower later.’— ‘Stop whining,’ the little voice said and for the first time in a long time, he wondered, ‘is that actually me? Is that my thought?’
“I…I think I should just leave. This has got really weird and I have another interview this afternoon so—”
There was a sound like a dog snuffling for a treat and it took a moment for Felix to recognise that is was laughter. “Another interview? Do you really think we haven’t been monitoring you for some time.”
“Do you usually bring people in here to look at their bellybuttons? Their omphaloompa-whatevers?
“No, that would be ridiculous. It isn’t an omphalolith anyway.”
“It isn’t?”
“Oh no, this is a demonic entity.”
Felix blinked up at the ceiling as his brain caught up to the situation. He’d come for a job interview and now he was lying on a desk with his shirt open while a man who claimed to be a moustache inspected his bellybutton. “Is this still an interview?”
“Oh yes, but now we’re interviewing the thing in your bellybutton.”
“The thing in my—”
“One moment please,” Captain Moustache said, and then Felix felt a sudden warmth on his exposed skin, followed by a sensation like a swarm of spiders dancing across his flesh and he realised the moustache was brushing against him. He felt goosebumps appear and then there was a warm breath, “And awaken.”
The warmth spread, crawling like fire under his skin. Then—a slithering movement within. Not imagined. Not gas. Real.
“I am the darkness within, the devourer of worlds—”
“You’re in a bellybutton,” Moustache interrupted.
A pause. “I’m WHAT?”
Meanwhile in the present….
A sudden sound of screeching metal, mechanical whirring, and sparks of light erupted from the the far end of the corridor where the entrance to the office block had been closed off. The metal rattled and buckled under relentless grinding. Sparks flared like fireflies before winking out in the dust-choked air.
“They’re trying to come in,” Lucy said.
The saw bit deeper, screeching through steel. Sparks flared like dying stars before vanishing into choking dust.
“Oh, thanks for that, Sherlock,” Debs snapped. “Couldn’t tell from the giant saw.”
“Everyone duck,” Felix said, as he dove down behind the reception desk to join the others.
The heaving whale heart burst into motion, smashing against the door frame to the office with a rhythmic thumping. Plaster and dust showered down from the surrounding wall, billowing clouds of debris into the corridor. Something wet splattered across the corridor and a moist mist fell upon them from above.
“Ugh, was that more blood? Did I say they charge us for the uniforms?” Daniel said.
“You did,” Felix said, “and it’s not blood, it’s the dead magic, um, juice.”
“Don’t go getting all technical on them, Felix, you’re just showing off all your necromantic wisdom,” Debs said.
“If they get in they’ll stop the heart, right?” Lucy said, as she scooted backwards until she reached the wall. “We just have to wait—”
“Lucy,” Daniel said, “even I’ve worked out that the people on the other side of that door aren’t the good guys. The cavalry isn’t about to burst in here. I’m the security guard, does anyone remember me calling for help? No?”
“No—”
“He was being rhetorical, Felix.” Debs said. “Daniel’s right, there’s only two groups of people on the other side of that door. Either it’s more of Lucy’s friends—”
“Not my friends, I’m anti-dark magic, anti lots of things really, global warming, persecution, but mostly dark margic, also…vegan.”
“Either more of the bad guys who tricked Lucy are trying to get in, or it’s our team, who are also bad guys.”
Felix reached up to the desk and grabbed a stapler, gripping it in his hands, he turned to the others. “We’re in trouble.” Felix brandished the stapler like a knight unsheathing a sword.
Daniel stared. “Seriously?”
Felix shrugged. “It uses the big staples.”
“For Christ’s sake,” Debs hissed. “Have you got the parchment?”
“It’s here,” Felix said pulling the folded paper from his pocket.
“Parchment?” Lucy said. “You mean the piece of paper from the printer?”
“It’s a ritual,” Felix said, holding up the parchment. “Print spell, read spell, it burns up. Tried tablets—they exploded. Management was furious.”
A massive crash interrupted the conversation and the doorframe around the heart gave way. The monstrous mass of undead whale cardiac muscle burst into the corridor. It slammed into the walls, its grotesque valves pulsing with unnatural rhythm. Whatever was coming through that door, the heart seemed determined to meet it head-on.
“Okay,” Felix said. “While the heart does battle with evil—”
“Bit poetic really,” Debs said.
“We need to get to research and development.”
“Upstairs?”
“No. Very downstairs.”
Thanks for reading! I’m not even sure what to say at this point, but, just so we’re all on the same page… Get ready for more weird stuff, okay, I mean, prepare yourself.
Oh, don’t forget, commenting liking and sharing costs you nothing AND you get to do something nice…or depending who you share it with and their sensibilities you might get to upset someone. More importantly, you might actually encourage me to write more and reduce my constant internal cringe that I’m putting this out there!! So hey, what have you got to lose?
LOVE!!! BRILLIANT! SCRUMPTIOUS MIND MEAT!!! I once had a friend who had an infected cyst the size of a bellybutton, so this brought back memories!!!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏